


no where to belong

by Radioabsurd



Category: Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Intersex Jotunn (Marvel), Jotunn Loki (Marvel), Loki (Marvel) Has Issues, Odin (Marvel)'s A+ Parenting, Odin is actually trash to me, Pre-Canon, Pre-Slash, Sorry Not Sorry, Spoilers for all thor movies, allusions to thorki, and the first avengers, ayy lets get this started, cleaning up my writing, even thor ragnorak, starts from when they were younger, thorki is very visible, well never mind
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-04-16
Packaged: 2019-04-04 10:50:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14018661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Radioabsurd/pseuds/Radioabsurd
Summary: times where loki knew he didn't belong and one time he did.





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt:**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Monachopsis:  
> (n) The subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place.

☆☆ 

They are in an arena, green trees all around and the sunlight making a halo around Thor's face. 

It was enchanting. 

Loki looked around at all the men on their horses and sighed. 

Why were his people such savages? 

Loki stood next to Thor, his pale skin a startling contrast to Thor's tan skin. Suddenly Thor turned and put his mouth to Loki's ear and whispered causing goosebumps to rise and Loki to shiver. 

Loki frowned at the weird reaction before tuning into what Thor was saying. 

"-ther, will you spar with me?" 

Loki turned, raising his thin eyebrows as he did so. 

"What, brother? You know I do not spar." 

Thor pouted before replying. 

"Please brother!" 

Loki turned away with a stern "no". 

Suddenly Odin, Loki and Thor's father walked into the arena. 

It was time. 

••• 

Watching the men fight was boring to Loki. Thankfully, it was the kids turn to spar. 

Loki turned to find Thor talking to Sif, a pretty blonde girl who wanted to be a warrior. Loki would've liked her, if only she didn't steal Thor away from him for stupid activities such as fighting. 

Loki walked Thor angrily and stepped in front of him, blocking Sif as he did so. 

"Brother, I have decided I will spar with you." 

Thor's previously stormy eyes turned bright as he focused on Loki and ignored Sif, who huffed and walked away. 

"Really brother?" 

Loki nodded and his lips turned up into a small smile at Thor's happiness. 

"Lets go!" 

Thor grabbed Loki's hand and rushed into the middle of the arena. 

Along the way, Loki heard somebody whisper something. 

He felt his cheeks redden in embarrassment before he started to fake fight Thor. 

When he ended up on his back with Thor straddling his hips, Loki sighed and closed his eyes. 

Did he really look like an Ergi as the person had said? 

When Thor got off of his small hips, Loki looked around. All the boys had small broad shoulders while his was wiry. They had scars and his skin was unblemished. Theirs were tanned while his looked like the moon. 

He didn't belong.

☆☆


	2. Notes//

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wow.

So, I had planned for this to be a one shot, but it is quickly becoming a multiple chapter story. The good news is that I have a whole week off from school and I will use that week (next week) to quickly get this story done so that I don't have to do it in the summer with my other planned stories. 

((Lets hope I finish all my review packets (so that I can graduate) before Sunday or I won't ever get this story done))


	3. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> spoilers for the first Thor movie. 
> 
> (short chapter)

Loki was used to lying. 

He was also used to lying to himself. 

He lied to himself daily. 

'You do want the throne!' 

'Your father loves you! Stop this!' 

'Thor is never going to love you the way you love him.' 

He hated it, so he focused on the envy he felt. His father, Odin, had chosen Thor over him. Again. 

Now, normally Loki wouldn't mind as much as he minded now, but Thor had forgotten about him to spar with his friends, his mother and father were working on plans, and he was alone. 

Loki knew what he was going to do before he had even decided on it. He had to stop Thor from getting the crown. Thor had become arrogant and thought that war was the way for everything. He was a child. 

Loki knew he wasn't a better choice but suddenly he was on the throne, worrying about his powerless brother and his brother's friends who would no doubt stab him in the back. 

His mother was in the room, watching his "father" sleep. 

Loki was lying to himself when he thought about how his thin shoulders fit in the big chair. 

He was lying to himself when he thought that he belonged on Asgard. 

 

(spoilers for the first movie in the Thor series)


	4. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers for the first Thor movie.

His heart this painfully when he lets go of his brother's hammer, staring into those bright blue eyes that widened with anguish. He doesn't understand why Thor cares when he keeps messing up with his brother's life, desperate for any sort of attention. 

Thor doesn't beg for attention. He gets it without a word and that's how Loki knows. 

That's how he knows he doesn't belong. 

~~~~ 

He's stuck in a mindless cycle of pain. Thanos, the big purple animal that found him when he was drifting through space, makes him admit the things he hates about himself. 

"Ha! You call me a monster. Ironic." 

He's forced to change into his real form to survive. Red eyes become the new norm on the lonely planet. Loki knows he is lucky that Thanos doesn't bother to take him in other painful and personal ways, seeing as he is ripe from not being in his natural form since he was born. 

"You dare think about your own brother that way?!" 

Loki knows he loves Thor, but he also hates him because he always drowns in his presence. He hates Thor and loves Thor because without Thor there is no Loki. 

~~~~ 

Thanos hurts Loki best by hurting him mentally. He gets his mouth sewn tight and his magic is trapped with handcuffs that a thing like Thanos shouldn't have. 

"No one has come for you, Silvertongue." 

Loki screams inside his head, blood pooling around his body from his nose and his mouth. His red eyes see nothing. 

"You never belonged."


End file.
